


Leave It All Behind

by MusicLover6661



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Loss of Pregnancy, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-03 22:09:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14578683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicLover6661/pseuds/MusicLover6661
Summary: “He doesn’t want to see me Sam, it’d be a waste of my time to go” I smiled through the heartbreak, it’s all I knew how to do.





	1. Chapter 1

The air was chilling me to the bone as I walked in the direction the gps had told me too. I pull the jacket tighter to my chest, was I even going in the right direction at this point? Everything around me was dark, the stars and moon were my only light source. I begin to second guess everything, this was a horrible idea, I shouldn't be here. They had all disappeared all those years ago, cutting off communications with the world. But they were here, somewhere in this small town. The hairs on the back of my neck begin to stand on edge as I step closer to a more open road. My eyes squint as I take in the person in front of me, I don't recognize them at all.

Before I can open my mouth to ask who they are, or even where I am a hand is cutting me off. A strong grip holding me back against their chest. I kick and scream, try to at least, but it's to no avail. Whoever is holding me is a lot bigger, a lot stronger than they're letting on and it terrifies me. Am I going to die tonight? In the streets under the stars?

“I'm gonna have to ask you to relax” The voice sounded so familiar, a deepness I hadn't heard in quite a while.  
“Steve, she's going to have a panic attack” Another voice, feminine but with an authority behind it.  
“We need to get inside” The deeper voice speaks again, dragging me back into a small apartment. My eyes welled up with tears. This was it.

I'm suddenly thrown down onto the ratty old couch that sat in the middle of the room. Three figures stand above me, the darkness covering their features.

“Please don't hurt me, I don't have any money” I gripped the arm of the couch and pushed myself farther away from the strangers. My heart pounded wildly in my chest.  
“We're not going to hurt you, we just need some answers” The female is talking again, stepping closer to where I'm trying to huddle myself.  
“You just dragged me in—Nat?” My throat feels tight as I look at the ex assassin. Her once fiery red hair is now a pale blonde, a complete 180.  
“Hey kid, didn't think you'd recognize me” She smiles softly, sitting down by my feet. If she's here, then that means the Steve she was talking to before is.

My throat tightens with unshed tears, painful memories taking over every sense of my body as I look between the three. Sam keeping his distance out of everyone. We had been close before everything crumbled, and it hurt seeing them after so long. Steve's frown is the only thing that nearly sets me off. He knew what he was doing when he left, he didn't have the right to be as upset as I was. No, you can't think about that right now.

“We were going to Wakanda, to be somewhere safe” Nat's eyes hadn't left me for a moment, she was taking in my reaction.  
“That's where he is, isn't it?” I didn't have to see Steve's slow nod to know, they had hidden him away when things got too rough. Somewhere I couldn't find him.  
“You can join us if you'd like, there's room” Sam was the next to speak, approaching the couch slowly.  
“He doesn't want to see me Sam, it'd be a waste of my time to go” I smiled through the heartbreak, it's all I knew how to do.  
“Then come with us so you can be around people who car-” I cut off Steve with a glare.  
“Care about me? People who care about me don't run off without telling me, wait years for me to find them, only to find out I wasn't exactly missed” I threw my hands up and stood from the couch.

Steve was struggling where he stood, there was more he wanted to say, but he wasn't going to say it. Oh no, Captain America had to be the poster child, he couldn't let the world know there was a darker side to him after all. No one except Bucky, and myself ever saw that side of him. It wasn't as if we had a choice, he snapped. God how could I have been such an idiot to let my friendship fool me into thinking things would be alright in the long run?

“Are you coming or not?” Steve's expression was cold, his eyes narrowed.  
“Yes” This was going to be a big mistake.

 

Being back on the quinjet was strange but oddly satisfying. It was the only thing I didn't really have bad memories with. Other than the three other people that occupied it, each looking over at me every five minutes. They didn't know the memories I had with the man we were about to encounter. They weren't always pleasant, but after what I was put through. I looked down at the picture on my phone, my heart sinking as I remembered that fateful day all over again.

“Miss Y/L/N?” Dr Cho held a file under her arm, a sad smile crossing over her lips.  
“Yes doctor?” I knew what she was going to say before she opened her mouth.  
“The test did come back positive, would you like to discuss your options?” I shook my head, my mind was already made.  
“No, I just need to get it over with. I can't do this on my own” She knew that I wouldn't be alone, I still had Tony by my side. But without him there, I was empty.  
“I'll just need you to fill out some paperwork and we can begin the procedure” I simply nodded, my body feeling cold and empty.

It had felt like eons ago, looking at the little test in my hand, excited to show him once he came back home. But he never did, and he wasn't ever going to come home. I couldn't do that to another human being, one that I made. Tony was supportive of my decision, a little sad he wouldn't get to be an uncle, but still by my side. The small scar was a sick reminder of my past, something I never seemed to be able to escape.

“We're here” Nat buckled herself in as Sam began to lower the quinjet down, there was a crowd of people waiting for us already.  
“Promise me you won't let him near me” I looked at Nat, fear overtaking every sense in my body.  
“You know I'll do everything I can to keep him away” She patted my thigh as a confirmation.

Once the quinjet was safely landed everyone began to walk off, each looking around at the gorgeous scenery before addressing T'Challa. He was a very graceful host, assuring we were allowed to stay for as long as we might need. I couldn't get over how utterly breathtaking it all was, until my eyes locked with him. My heart beating erratically as we took one another in. His hair was long, his beard thicker, and his eyes were clearer. The pain from each memory began to cut me down to my core, I wasn't happy to see him. Hell I wanted nothing more than to go over and slap him with all the strength in my body.

Nat held an arm around my waist, leading me inside before he would get the chance to say anything to me. I hadn't noticed the tears until Nat began to wipe my cheeks with her thumb, laying me down on the bed in the room we stopped in. The door was locked, but it wouldn't stop him from coming inside, not if he was determined. Though, Steve probably had him pulled into a long conversation about how things had been while he was gone. Keep the attention off me for the entire time I was stuck here with him.

“I was pregnant, gonna surprise him when everyone came home. But then you guys never showed up” My hands shook as I recalled the memories to Nat.   
“I had to ask Dr. Cho to help me exterminate the pregnancy. There was no way I could handle raising a baby and working for Tony. I cried for weeks, hoping he was going to walk through the door and wake me from this horrid nightmare. Tony had to put me on medication, I was on leave for almost three months” I clenched my hands into tight fists, if it hurt this bad telling Nat the truth, it was going to be worse if he found out.

She sat down next to me, running her fingers gently through my hair with a frown. He didn't deserve to know any of this, how hurt I was. How I hoped and prayed he would come home daily. No. He was going to see the heartbroken, and hatred in me.

Two Weeks Later

Avoiding Bucky was a lot harder than I was expecting. He was almost everywhere, trying to get me alone to talk for a few minutes. I would brush him off and run down to my room, locking the door behind myself. He would plead outside the door, begging for me to let him inside. Nat would chase him away from the door, as if he was a dog. It hurt more knowing he wouldn't give up until I finally snapped, ripping the door open to scream in his face how much I hated him. How I wished I had never met him. How much I still loved him, feeling his arms wrap around my waist in a tight grip. It wasn't going to happen though, not until I was dead and cold.

“Y/N?” Steve's voice floated into the room as he stepped inside slowly, he had changed into the clothes T'Challa had offered, he looked like a lumberjack with the beard and plaid shirt he wore.  
“I'm not talking to him, the wounds are too raw” I was grasping at straws at this point. I knew I couldn't avoid Bucky forever, but this was too soon.   
“You've been saying that since we got here, I just want to know if you're ever going to actually talk to him” He plopped down at the end of the bed with a sigh, stretching his back with a slight wince.  
“You don't know what happened after you guys left Steve, there are things that will tear him apart” I could feel my eyes well up with tears, pressing my hands against my stomach gently.

Steve held his arms open, gesturing for me to crawl into his embrace. While I would normally reject any affection from the man, I needed someone to just hold me for a while. His arms tightened around me as I cried into his chest, sobs wracking my entire body. I hadn't been able to properly cry since the procedure, it felt wrong to mourn something that would never come to be. I rested my forehead against his shoulder, pulling in shuddering breaths.

“Steve, listen can I talk-” Bucky's voice stopped mid-sentence as he stepped into the room, his eyes taking in Steve and I.  
“Later, please” Steve shook his head and held a finger over his lips. If I had heard Bucky's voice I was sure I'd of cried harder.

Bucky's eyes filled with a deep rage as he stormed out of the room, heading down into the training room to try and cool off. Steve rubbed small circles along my back, kissing my temple softly.

“Come on, you need to eat something” Steve stood from the bed slowly, holding onto my waist to prevent me form hitting the floor.  
“Can I tell you something first?” I held onto his forearms, tightening my grip as fear wrapped itself around my chest.  
“Of course” His voice was laced with concern.  
“I was pregnant, but when I found out Bucky was gone I couldn't handle raising a child alone” I couldn't speak anymore, but Steve knew, the words tearing him apart just as it had done to me.  
“I'm so sorry, if I had known” He cut himself off, not ready to give false promises.

Neither of us moved for a few minutes before finally heading down to the kitchen. There were chefs ready to prepare any dish to our hearts desire. It brought a small smile to my face, the first real one I had felt in months. Years even. Steve had only asked for something simple, asking them to make me something special. They nodded and began their work as Steve made his way to the long table, his eyes never leaving me as I sat down next to him. 

The doors slammed open as Bucky walked inside, his chest rising and falling harshly as his eyes locked on Steve and I. He snarled and ran over to Steve, grabbing two fist fulls of his shirt in his hands, almost tearing it with his left hand.

“How could you betray me like that?!” Bucky's face was only inches away from Steve's, the wild look in his eyes was frightening.  
“Buck, I need you to calm down” Steve was trying to keep a calm composure, his eyes betraying how terrified he was.  
“You think that after all these years I still haven't forgotten how I felt? That I'd let you swoop in when she's most vulnerable?” He slammed Steve into the table harder, the knuckles on his right hand cracking as he gripped harder on Steve's shirt.  
“James, calm down” Steve was using his Cap voice, and from the look on Bucky's face, it had no effect.  
“I trusted you, both of you, and this is how I get treated?” He threw Steve off of him, storming from the room without a glance behind himself.

Nat came in with Sam moments after the altercation, each with wide eyes as they took in Steve's appearance. It looked worse than he was going to let on, more concerned with why Bucky reacted the way he had. It didn't make much sense, no one besides Steve and Nat had been able to talk to him, and that was even when he would talk to them. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks, the sudden gasp of air the only sound in the room. Holy shit.

“He thinks we're together” I whispered as the realization hit me. Bucky was angry with Steve because he was jealous.  
“When you were crying earlier, he walked into your room wanting to talk to me, but I was trying to help comfort you” Steve swore under his breath, groaning as he paced the room.  
“I have to talk to him, he's not gonna listen to anyone but me” I pushed myself up from the chair, what if he went after me the same way?

Steve wanted to accompany me, ensure that Bucky wouldn't become aggressive when he saw me step inside his room. I shook my head, the last thing Bucky needed was people babying him again, he was an adult. The walk to his room was daunting, the floor was eerily quiet as I stepped up the door where his room was. I reached my hand up to knock, shaking my head slowly. The door was unlocked as I turned the handle, stepping into the room. It looked homey, lived in for the most part. The only thing that stood out against everything was him. From the way his shoulders were quaking, to the way he stood with his head hung low. A shuddering breath passed his lips before he turned his eyes to me. I couldn't place the emotions in his eyes, there were too many to name.

“Would've been nice to know sooner, he is my best friend after all” Bucky spat the words, there was venom dripping from them.  
“We aren't dating Bucky, he was trying to comfort me” That didn't sound any better, now he's going to think I'm a liar, and a whore.  
“Friends don't comfort each other that way” He stood up straight and turned entirely to face me.  
“You don't get to be mad at me Buck, you're the one who left without a moments notice, do you understand how destroyed I was? The man I loved left me without even saying goodbye, I wasn't good enough for that” I crossed my arms and tried to keep the tears at bay.  
“I had no choice, I'm a wanted man. Do you think I wanted to put you through all of that? Have you arrested alongside me?” He threw his arms out before gripping his hair roughly.

I walked over and grabbed his hands, he was going to hurt himself and I wasn't going to be able to stop myself from doing something stupid. He always had a tendency to hurt himself when he was this worked up, and right now was no different.

“I was pregnant Bucky, but I had to give that up when I knew you weren't coming home, I had to tell Steve that, that's why he was comforting me in my room” Bucky's eyes were shining with unshed tears. The baby he wasn't ever going to meet, gone because of his own actions.  
“I'm sorry, I won't ever to be able to forgive myself for putting you through any pain” His arms slowly encased my waist, being in his arms felt like home.

We stood together, clutching one another as if nothing else in the world mattered. And in that moment it didn't. No one else in the world mattered to us. Not the government, not Hydra, not The Avengers. No one.


	2. Chapter 2

We weren't allowed back into the US. Wanted criminals and all. The only positive thing that came out of this entire mess was getting Bucky back. Seeing him smile again, the way the corner of his eyes crinkled as he laughed at one of Steve's bad jokes. Nat would help Steve train any new recruits during our time in Wakanda. He didn't want to impose, promising T'Challa that we would be out of his hair the moment we could actually leave. He was grateful to have us stay with him, assuring we weren't imposing on them at all. Not to mention the beauty that surrounded us everyday, there was nothing else like it.

“Tony's been calling me everyday, I can't keep ignoring him Steve” I looked over at him, frowning as he paced the kitchen.  
“We're not going to go back just to be arrested, we had every right not to sign those goddamn papers” Steve stopped pacing, his hands wrapping over the back of a chair.  
“He's worried about me, he doesn't even know that I'm with you guys” I looked down at the phone as it began to ring again. Third time this day.  
“Answer it” Steve's voice was low, we were about to blow our cover.

I swallowed nervously and picked up the phone, hitting the button before pressing the phone against my ear.

“Jesus! It's about time you answered! Where the hell have you been? I've been worried sick” My stomach was in knots,  
“I just got caught up in a lot of stuff, I'm alright now” I mumbled into the phone, hoping Tony would think I had been asleep.  
“You haven't said a word to me in weeks kid, I was starting to think that...I just wanted to make sure you were alright is all” Tony's voice was relieved, it didn't help relieve the nerves in me though.  
“I'm fine, I can promise that” Steve held his hand out, my jaw dropped as I shook my head. He had to be crazy if he thought I'd just let him talk to Tony.  
“When are you coming home? I need my work buddy by my side” Tony's chuckle was drowned out by Steve grabbing the phone.  
“She won't be coming home unless we all can, legally” Steve was using his Cap voice. It was so intimidating, and if I was honest, a little sexy.  
“Excuse me? Do you remember why you're wanted criminals in the first place?” Tony was getting agitated.  
“Because we weren't going to sign our rights away, to force the strongest of us to live a life of solitude because of one mistake. You have to learn where your priorities lie Stark” Steve ended the call, placing the phone back on the table.

I wasn't sure the last time I had seen anyone stand up to Tony, the man could be intimidating when he wanted to be. Steve didn't care though, he cared about his friends before anyone else. This new Steve was someone I could get used to hanging around.

“Doll, what're you doing? Didn't you hear what Shuri said about exerting yourself?” Bucky had his arms wrapped around my waist gently, his thumb tracing along the hem of my shirt gently.  
“I'm not exerting myself, just a little shocked that Stevie boy over there just told off Tony” My eyes were back on Steve who was blushing. Bucky laughed softly, shaking his head.  
“Took you long enough, what'd he even say?” Bucky had never been a fan of Tony's, and the feeling was mutual.  
“He asked if I knew why we were criminals, and I told him why. Don't think he liked it too much” Steve chuckled and pulled out a chair to sit down.

The room was quiet for a few moments, Bucky and Steve were having a silent conversation, and I knew better than to interrupt. We all wanted to go home, to be in our own beds, to be free of worry whenever we wanted to leave our homes. It wasn't the case though, even if I was the only person that wasn't a criminal, I wouldn't be going home. 

“I think it'd be better if I talked to Tony, let him see what he's going to lose if he chooses to act this way” Bucky stiffened behind me, his arms tightening instinctively.  
“Y/N, are you sure that's a good idea?” Steve had slid the phone back to me, his eyes full of worry.  
“I won't be leaving, just a quick video call” It was the safest bet, Tony knew where we were. But he couldn't have us arrested. T'Challa's security would ensure our safety for as long as we would need it.  
“Okay, go now if you can” Steve ran a hand through his hair.

I kissed Bucky's cheek and headed down to our bedroom quickly, holding a hand on my lower back. Shuri set up a video call for me, ensuring that Tony would only be able to see me, and I would only be able to see him. My heart hammered in my chest, my hand running along my belly slowly. The screen went black before Tony's figure took up the entire screen.

“Hey, what's going on?” Tony was angry, his entire demeanor was screaming of it.  
“You heard Steve, we aren't going to come home unless they're no longer wanted criminals” I looked at the video as he stepped around the room slwoly.  
“I can't just tell them to give up, that's not how this type of thing works” Tony shook his head with a frown, he was struggling to keep his composure.  
“You have more power than most, I know you want everyone to come home Tony, but we can't do that” I groaned and rubbed the side of my belly, this was something I wasn't ready for him to know.  
“Are you in pain? Are they not treating you well?” He was pacing around like a caged animal.

I shook my head and stood up slowly, his eyes landing on the bump that pressed against the shirt I wore. It was one of Bucky's but he didn't need to know.

“You're pregnant, jesus Y/N, why are you still there?” Tony's voice cracked, I couldn't look into his eyes at all. I knew if I did I'd break down.  
“Because the man I love is here, I already lost him to this whole mess once before, I can't lose him again” Tears were building up in my eyes, it was so much harder to deal with.  
“If I can even do anything, I need to know if you're going to come back” Tony was pleading with me at this point.  
“I'll only come back if Steve, and Bucky can come home with me. You need to be able to see your niece” I smiled and wiped my cheek gently, the baby kicking against my hand gently.  
“A little girl, she's gonna have your attitude for sure” Tony smiled softly, his eyes locking on my bump.  
“I wouldn't have anything less for her” Tony looked over his shoulder before ending the call.

The room was shrouded in darkness suddenly, it brought on a layer of fear that I wasn't sure even existed. The ball was in Tony's court, and now it was a waiting game of whether or not we could go home and be happy again. My hopes were dangerously low, Steve was once a hero turned criminal. It'd take a lot more than just ass kissing to allow any of us back on state lines.

 

It was almost a month before Tony called again, his voice low as he whispered. Bucky slept soundly beside me, and it took all of my willpower not to stand up and scream in excitement. I thanked Tony for a few minutes before hanging up the phone, pressing kisses along Bucky's shoulders. The paperwork was being sent over as proof, we were going to go home.

“Mmm babe, you keep doing that and I'll end up ripping those brand new panties off you” Bucky mumbled into the bed, his hips pressing down into the mattress.  
“I have some wonderful news for you” I ran my hands along his sides, a bright smile on my face.  
“I can feel you burstin' with excitement, so what's going on?” Bucky propped himself up slowly, pushing the hair out of his face.

I grabbed the tablet off the side table, the screen illuminating my face.

“James Buchanan Barnes, Steven Grant Rogers, are officially cleared of all charges” I watched his expression as I read, his eyes were wide.  
“You're, baby is this real?” He pushed himself up quickly, his arms wrapping around me in a tight hug.  
“This is real, Tony just called me” I couldn't help the tears, everyone was cleared of every charge against them, able to go home and live their own lives once again.  
“We gotta tell Steve, this is huge” Bucky shoved the blankets off his legs and ran down to the blonde's room.

I laughed and stood up slowly, carrying the tablet close to my chest. Bucky was like a kid on christmas morning, running excitedly through the halls until he found the room he was looking for. Practically breaking down the door as he ran inside. Steve was snoring loudly when Bucky jumped onto the bed, shaking the man's shoulders as I stepped into the room.

“Okay, I'm awake Buck, calm down” He rubbed his eyes and yawned loudly.  
“We have some amazing news, come on babe tell him” Bucky scooted down to the end of the bed, clasping his hands together.  
“Steven Grant Rogers, you are cleared of all pending charges, officially a free man once again” Steve took a few moments to let the words sink in.

His eyes were wide as he stared at me, his jaw going slack. He pushed himself off the bed and ran over to me, wrapping his arms over me in a tight bear hug. I couldn't help but laugh as I squeezed his waist. They deserved this more than anyone, to be free of all their problems.

“We're gonna go home” Steve's voice was soft, his hands resting back on my shoulders as he stood straight.  
“We're gonna go home, and show Tony the baby” Bucky walked over to Steve and I.  
“Let's go home boys” I smiled and patted Bucky's cheek. It was time to go home.

 

Avengers Compound

Tony paced the kitchen, his eyes were locked on the phone that hadn't rung in almost three days, worried something bad had happened on their travel home.

“God, I never thought I'd see the inside of this place again” Sam laughed as he dropped his bags, kissing the tile of the floor.  
“Oh god, are you really doing that right now?” Steve stepped around him slowly, Bucky snickering softly.  
“I am, you don't know how good it feels to be home right now” Steve did know, he had spent so long running that he wanted nothing to do except for sleep in his bed.  
“I was beginning to think you guys weren't coming back” Tony stepped into the hallway slowly. I couldn't take my eyes off him as Bucky pushed himself in front of me.  
“Just hit a little snag was all” Steve looked over his shoulder at the small pink bundle.  
“Right, well we're gonna have a little meeting in ten” Tony turned and left without another word.

Bucky and I headed up to where my old bedroom was, the small crib pushed against the opposite wall bringing a whole new wave of tears to my eyes. Even when we weren't home the man was too thoughtful. I walked over and laid Lily down gently, she stirred for a moment before relaxing into the bed.

“I'm taking a shower, she's wiped me out completely” Bucky nodded and sat down on the bed, he always kept watch. 

The shower was exactly what I needed, relieving all the stress I had been carrying on my shoulders. And being a new parent wasn't helping when I needed to sleep. I stepped out and wrapped a towel around my body, Lily's loud cries echoing into the bathroom. At least she let me get a long enough shower this time. The room was silent as I stepped inside, Lily curled up against Bucky's chest as they both slept. 

“I knew she loved you daddy” I smiled softly and walked over to the picture before me, trailing my hands along her back slowly. Bucky could get the rest he needed before dealing with Tony.

I got dressed quickly and headed down to the meeting, Steve and Sam were sitting close together, whispering to one another about what Tony would say. Nat was waiting for me to join her, her brows furrowing as she noticed the lack of baby.

“She's asleep with Bucky right now, I decided they needed sleep more than a meeting” I sat down next to her, and watched as Tony walked inside.  
“Let's get this over with” Tony grumbled, a glass of whiskey in his hand.  
“Go ahead, we're all listening” Steve hadn't shaved, or cut his hair since hearing the news.  
“Didn't realize there was two lumberjacks in the house” Tony muttered, rolling his eyes.

Steve brushed off the comment, settling back into the chair.

“Just because the charges were dropped doesn't mean everyone forgot about what happened, so don't go running out of here all willy nilly thinking things are gonna be fine right away. Take things slowly, for your sake more than everyone else's, please” Tony set the glass down, his eyes setting on Steve.  
“You guys were criminals no more than three weeks ago, the last thing you need is for that to all come back and bite you in the ass. So just try and act like normal people, okay?” Tony clapped his hands together and left the room without another word.

The task seemed simple enough, considering most of us didn't leave unless we really had too. And with the baby, there was no way I'd be able to leave without Bucky being worried sick. He was becoming a lovesick puppy with Lily, and it was one of the cutest things. My two babies to love. It felt so good to be home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is sort of like an epilogue of sorts, hope it wasn't too bad i've been very busy and haven't had time to really write as of late


End file.
